Below are the 7 most recent journal entries recorded in just_me2005's LiveJournal:

Thursday, September 15th, 2005
9:38 am	the comeback I never thought that vova will come back to talk to me again after what happened, when we " brock up" in the beginning of Januray i thought that i have a really big chance to get him back. I tried everything, i texted him, i wrote to him, i called him, he never answered, he ignored me...once he did answer, i asked him if he really truly doesnt miss me and doesnt want to see me, he told me" ya ochen hochu videt moyu lilu, a ne tebya"..after hearing that i understood that i dont have a chance and i stoped trying, i accepted the fact that that's it, its all over, and i even started thinking that maybe everything that happened is for the best, that now i'll finally be able to move on and find someone else. I haven't seen him for five months, when one time me and my friends went to Deep, thursdays are russian nights and we decided to check it out,, especially when we found out that Surik is the DJ ..hehehehe.:) i saw him there that night, we both were shocked, both didnt expect to see each, he was trying to act tought, for the next month i saw him there almost every week, he tired to act like he hates me, like he wants to revenge me, he even tried to get together with my svetka...it hurt me like hell, i wanted to die, i couldnt handle it anymore...after he came back from belarus, in the middle of july he started to treat me a little bit better, but still i could see it in his eyes...the anger...in the middle of august he called me, he called me for the first time after almost 8 months when i didnt see his number on my caller id..his voice sounded like usuall, all nice and sweet, he invited me to his hockey game, he called me "Kisa", the way he always used to call me (well, probebly not only me...), that night everything came back to where it was before i left to isreal that last december..sveta knows what i'm talking about, other people who are probebly reading this entry are probebly guessing,,,what the hell is she talking about....i'm not gonna say no more,,,the only thing is that i got what i wanted, i wanted to get him back so this time i'll be able to end it by my self...!!! (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, August 10th, 2005
9:14 am	Well, I just read all my journal entries and i think i sound pathetic...well i dunno i guess that's how i felt at the time i was writing all this stuff..I saw vova on the road the day before yesterday and then we saw him driving by starbucks yesterday again...etot starei perdun...(sorry za verojenie but that's exactly who he is...) mujeku pochti 30 let a on svezalsya s kakoita maloletkoi..ya ponimayu mi devchenki, nu on svezalsya s patcanom katoramu 19 let!!! polnoya huina!!!...It hurts to see a person that you were so close to him for such along time acting and treating you like you are nothing to him...well probebly i am nothing to him...kavo mne jalka eto Viku, bednoya devka, sidit tam v sovih gorah a on tut zajigaet.... he got mad at us this last friday when we wanted to take our own car and he got mad and just drove away...svetka raskazala eta gusi, i on skazal :" nu vi chto neznaeti vovana"...da ya neznayu "Vovana"...ya znayu Vovu, tot vova katoroga ya znala ya bolshe neznayu i boyus chto bolshe nekogda ne budu znat... Current Mood: angry (Comment on this)
Wednesday, June 1st, 2005
12:42 pm	tired to be alone.... I'm tired of being alone, i've been alone for such a long time..actually forever...it takes me a long time until i meet a guy that i'm really attracted to but then it turns out that either he's not attracted to me or something doenst work out...or i just dont meet anyone...its not that i go to many places..but its just i dont really have a chance to go..i work and go to school and plus i cant get in into the really good places...and even when i'll turn 21 in 4 months sveta is not gonna be 21 for 2 more years and its no fun without her...so i dunno, sometimes it feels like i'm gonna be alone for the rest of my life...i cant even imagine where i and when something will apear....its been a while since something good happened to me..and it really bothers me.... Current Mood: lonely (Comment on this)
Tuesday, May 17th, 2005
8:14 am	does the age matter?? I've met a guy a a week ago, in a very unusuall place,,,I was on my way to work, walking out of the parking garage, when suddenly this guy asks me for help to find his car b/c he doesnt remember how to get back into his garage floor. I told him where to go when we started talking, we talked for 10 min but then i was late to work and i had to go so i gave him my email adress. He didnt write for the whole week but on saturday i got an email from him. He sounds really interesting and a really honest and nice guy. He has his own compnay and he lives in Durango ( somewhere in the mountains in Colorado). He is tall, everything seemed perfect. But then, of course, something should be wrong here...i asked him for his age, becouse i was suspecting that he wasnt young. First he run away from the question, but then he was totaly honest with me. 39! I dunno,, seriously...is that too much?? i think it is...he can be my dad if you think about it. Some of my friend's dads are younger....19 years difference is too much. I cant handle it...i feel so bad becouse i can't even give him a chance....but seriously, it is too much...and i'm really sorry about it David, i really liked you, and i really wanted to give it a shot...but i guess age does make a difference.... Current Mood: confused (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, May 16th, 2005
3:53 pm	Can't forget... I'm such a bad person... i spent so much money this weekend. I'm even scared to say the amount of money that i've spent. 600$ in two days!!!! that's my whole pay check!!!i bought 4 pairs of shoes...well...that's ok b/c shoes are unresistable....and then i bought some shirts and a perfume that i really wanted, and since i dont have anybody to buy me those stuff i had to spend my own money...oh well... I felt so bad after this last weekend, not only becouse i spent so much money, but also b/c the weekend sucked sooo much...i realized one thing,, i dont have anybody besides svetka,. we were both bored, and couldnt find a place to hang out, and this is not the first time it happens to us..Oleg stood me up, this negodyai!!!! i hate people like that,,,who dont ever keep their promises....and i'm like a stupid pathetic girl keep running after him,,,and he doesnt even have anything to offer...little bratt!!!!! after that whole crazy saturday night i got depressed again, Vova came into my head again. I couldnt stop thinking about the memories, they kept hunting me the whole saturday night and sunday night. I cried, after along period of time without tears....its sooo hard....i dont think i'll ever forget... now i'm sitting at work, bored to death,,,and this song is playing :" i'm here without you baby, i think about you baby...and you are with me in my dream!!! I HATE IT , HATE IT , HATE IT!!!!! Current Mood: tired (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, May 12th, 2005
4:27 pm	The other woman I hate all men! yes i do...well i know its bad to say it, but at this point of my life all the guys that i've met turned out to be the biggest asswholes...its funny how you can love a person and at the same point hate him for ruining your life...i dont even know why i loved him ( him is vova), i'm not sure if i still love him...its hard to think, its hard to understand what was going on , and what is going on now.....sometimes i think that i wish i never ment him, if i wouldn've meet him everything would be different now, and when i say everything i totaly mean by everything and the ones who know me ( sveta.) will probebly understand. It all started in 2003 when me and my ex friend Yulia went camping to Nebraska with a banch of friends. May 16th, 2003, i remmember it like it was yesterday. It was my last day of high school and i was sooo excited to be done. We went to celebrate it in Nebraska. i wasn't really close to sveta that time and she didnt come with us. On June 5th, Sasha Rijji had his 20th birthday party and on this day me and vova hooked up. we started to see each other almost everyday, while me knowing that he has a girlfriend. i never thought that i'll get so emotionally involved. there were 2 other marriend guys who were with us. Everything was like in a dream. then his g/f came back to town, and i stopped seeing or talking to vova. i wasnt really upsat back then, i thought :"oh well...i guess its over"... but then vova came back into my life...he started calling me and wanting to see me,,,i started to come see him in the club where he worked, sveta was dating at the time so she didnt want to go with me...but it didnt stop me from seeing vova, i went alone, i was sitting hours and hours in the bar waiting for vova, waiting utill he'll come and touch my hand, waiting until he'll smile to me...waiting to spend every available moment with him. i saw him on fridays, when the club was open. every single day i waited till the day that i will get a chance to see him again. then the club closed, and i thought that i will never see him again. But it didnt stop. me and vova started seeing each other once,or twice a week. and then on the weekend he left to his g/f and i was left waiting till the next time i will get my chance to see him . I was the other woman, the "lover", and it didnt bother me b/c i cherished every moment that i could get with him. every night before i went to sleep i cried, i cried and i prayed, i'm not reallly sure what i prayed for,, i knew that he will never leave his g/f ,,maybe i prayed to see him more often, maybe to find a way out of this situation...i knew that i couldnt end it,,,b/c i was too in love with him...i dreamed about him, i could feel his kisses and his touches even when he wasnt there...every moment that i spent with him is so memorable that i dont know what to do with my mind....after new years vova accused me on cheating b/c he found out that i was with another guy....i cried, vova cried, and since January 3rd i've never seen vova again. Now the only feeling that i have is anger, i'm angry at him for not understanding how much i loved him, how much i cared about him, and how much i was willing to give up everything for him....i'm angry for the reason that he accused ME on cheating while he was cheating for a year and a half....the only question that is in my mind now is Why???why in the world he needed me.. and why did he have to ruin my life???? I'm not sure if i still love him,,i am ready to go on with my life but the memories are killing me....i still remmember,,,every breath, every touch, every kiss...... Current Mood: disappointed (Comment on this)
Monday, May 9th, 2005
9:54 am	My boring Life I don't want to be here now, this job got into my nerves already...i'm tired of th every day routine...every day is the same shit, getting up at 6a.m, going to work, and then going to school..its monday today, and again i cant wait until its friday, but when friday finally comes, my weekend sucks more then the week itself. I sleep the whole day, i don't do shit around the house b/c i feel so lazy, and then the weekend is over, and another boring week comes around. why do i feel so bad? if you think about it, my life isnt that bad...it could be worse, 100 times worse...i have a good job,,,i make good money, at least better then i used to make in Noodles, i have my best friend around me, i dont know what i would do without svetka, for the first time in my life i don't have problems with my parents, school is almost over and i had a pretty easy semester,not really stressful....i guess the only thing that bothers me is that i dont have a man next to me...but why do i even want a man if the only thing that men bring is tears, pain, and broken heart?? i dunno, i guess i just want someone's attention, someone who will take care of me, someone who will call me and say:" i missed you, i want to see you..." sometimes i think that this is so stupid, and childish, but i dunno,,i guess this is how i feel.... Current Mood: bored (Comment on this)